I met her in a Dollar Store in Southern Illinois
She moved into my trailer with her little girl and boy
We watched the Jerry Springer show and smoked some cigarettes
Then she hurt me like I never will forget

She's gone to Effingham yeah she took the Effing kids
and hit the Effing road
in her Effing mini van
and now I'm sitting here alone
and I don't Effing understand
why my baby's Effing gone to Effingham

Now I long to see those cut-off jeans and pigtails in her hair
and breathe her sweet perfume it hung like ether in the air
If she'd just give me one more chance I'd do my very best
but a man can't be a man on house arrest

She's gone to Effingham
yeah she packed her Effing clothes
and took her dvd's
and her Effing videos
and now she's called the Effing law
but I don't Effing give a damn
cause my baby's Effing gone to Effingham

If I could only see her and explain the way I feel
I'd tell her that I'm sorry
And I swear this time for real
A restraining order shouldn't have to break my heart in two
She needs me she just hasn't got a clue

She's gone to Effingham yeah she took the Effing kids
and hit the Effing road
in that  Effing mini van
and now I'm sitting here alone
doin' the best I Effing can
since my baby's Effing gone to Effingham
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